The Queen of Saying Goodbye

Although not something I'm necessarily proud of, all expats/nomads eventually become really, really good at saying goodbye.

Last week I wrote about making friends abroad and while that’s certainly a huge piece of the puzzle when settling in, getting pretty damn good at saying goodbye is another one.

If you envision a lifestyle anything like mine, where you get to enjoy freedom and experience life in a number of countries, this is part of the deal. It’s the not-so-fun side of a life on the go.

I’ve met incredible people in every country we’ve called home but at some point of another have always had to say bye. Sometimes it was me leaving first, sometimes it was them.

Our group in Sarajevo at our goodbye dinner

Technology makes it easier but it still becomes an effort to keep sending voicenotes and reaching out when before you would simply meet for that afterwork drink or Saturday brunch.

Remember how hard it was to say bye to your friends back home? Turns out that was just the first adios in a long list of them.

I’m not rambling on about this to make you scared to meet people; Quite the contrary, I want you to be a social butterfly when you first land somewhere new, even if that goes against your nature.

Saying goodbye is inevitable in our lifestyle but that doesn’t mean it should hold you back.

When I first moved abroad, I was too excited about my new life to even worry about that. Then 2.5 years later, I cried like a baby and could hardly walk up the hill back to my house after telling the family that essentially took me in those years my final goodbye.

The next few years I still went all in, making deep friendships wherever I landed. More recently though, I’ve felt myself put up a higher wall than I once had. In some moments, it made sense, knowing I’d only be in a certain city or country for a month or two. Why try? But then I felt that timeline grow into, it’ll only be 3 months, a year, or “who knows how long we’ll even stay.”

Subconsciously I got so scared of the eventual heartbreak that I stopped trying.

Easier, maybe. As fun? Not at all.

My closest friend here in Trieste is an Italian girl I met at an meet-up right when I moved here. I liked her a lot from the get-go but put in 0 effort to hang out outside of things organized by others.

She put in all the effort, as I sat by and made her feel like I really didn’t care. I did, I cared a lot. But in that moment, I was thinking we would only be here a year and already had one foot out the door. Luckily, she kept pushing, so much that she finally snapped me out of it.

I’m grateful for her persistence because without it, I would have lost out on a really good friendship.

It takes a lot of effort to try. Trust me, I know. It can be exhausting if you’re constantly starting over from scratch and do know that the goodbyes loom somewhere beyond the horizon.

But, it’s worth it. I promise.

The real ones will stick with you, no matter where you end up moving next. You’ll send eachother mini podcasts and meet up elsewhere in the world. I know it sounds idealistic but it’s true. You won’t hold everyone tightly when you move on, that’s natural, but some you will.

While you will become the queen (or king) of saying goodbye, I hope you keep your walls down and stay open to welcoming new people into your life.

This isn’t just a reminder for you, it’s one for me too.