Do you solo travel?
Even as a happily married woman, I still love a solo trip. What's weird for some is perfectly normal for me, although not without it's difficulties.
I get itchy feet so quickly. The moment I have a few days with nothing planned I start looking at the map, dreaming of where I could be instead of at home.
And don’t get me wrong, home is nice. Home is in a city I love, with a great view of the sea, and my husband, pets, and friends around me. But home isn’t exciting. It’s not new anymore and doesn’t satiate my never ending thirst for something I’ve never seen before.
My husband loves to travel but also loves days with nothing on the agenda. We met having both moved abroad to Panama, taking random jobs as tour guides on the San Blas Islands. We knew from day 1 we at least had that in common.
But while my idea of a fun trip is hiking 14 miles/22 km in a morning, his fun can be had just as easily on the couch as it could be on top of a mountain.
We also now work different schedules. My job is 100% remote and can done wherever in the world, so long as I abide to a few hours of overlap with the team in the US. His job is a strict 8-5 or 9-6 on Italian hours. I usually have just 1 meeting a week, he usually has 3 a day.
This is where the perk of solo traveling comes into play.
Since the start of our relationship, we were both clear that we wanted to still be able to enjoy our own interests, not just shared ones. While we love spending time together, we shouldn’t have to sacrifice something one considers fun just because the other isn’t into it.
It works both ways and means 90% of our trips are done together but the other 10% are adventures we plan on our own. He often visits friends spread around the world or does something nerdy whereas I like to go to places I only just learned about.
It works for us.
But so many are confused by it.
I just got home on Monday morning from a solo trip to Lake Garda. I spent 4 nights in Riva del Garda, hiking, swimming, biking, and exploring some other nearby towns. At the hotel, the staff couldn’t quite understand why my husband wasn’t with me and I think they actually doubted his existence.
As much as I love being able to do what I want to do without any cries against the length of the trail I chose, sometimes making endless decisions when you’re somewhere new is draining. I often get to a point that I want another opinion about where to go to eat or if it’ll rain and we should hang out for a bit or risk the weather and go for it. (I risked it and got soaked).
Those are small potatoes in the grand scheme of things though. I love the ability to make a last minute decision and hop off on a short adventure, knowing that my partner is equally enjoying the peace and quiet I’ve left at home in my wake.
More often than not, your lifestyle and your daily decisions won’t make sense to others. And they don’t need to. So long as the person/people that are directly affected by those decisions are good, you’re good.
You don’t need the world’s approval to move abroad or take solo trips even while in a committed relationship.
Even though you might have to explain yourself a time or two, it really doesn’t matter if the staff at the hotel thinks you’re in denial. You know the heart of the matter and that’s all that should count.
So, go for it. What do you have to lose?
I've definitely thought about leaving the husband at home to take a trip on my own, but haven't taken the plunge yet. My dream is some woodland refuge with access to a river or lake for swimming, and enough books to fill practically every hour of the day. (How I'll actually manage to pack all of them is another matter altogether.)
Thank you for the refreshing reminder that solo travel and solo experiences can co-exist alongside a healthy relationship. I often worry that I'll have to sacrifice one for the other, but reading this has reminded me that I really don't.
It's interesting that people in Lake Garda were shocked you'd travel without your husband. It's maybe not yet the "norm" but I think a lot of people would be happier in their relationships if they carved out a slice of time for themselves every now and then. I think your 90/10 split is a really healthy way to look at it.