Your Move Won't Just Affect You
It'll affect your friends and family, too. Even if they aren't moving with you, you'll need to take some time and space to prepare them all the same.
When I first was planning my move abroad I assumed it was all about me. I was 21, turning 22 and, well, I did feel at the center of the universe on most days.
I assumed since I was moving by myself, no one else would be affected by my decision. I wasn’t thinking about my parents, friends, or even my then-boyfriend (no wonder we broke up). I was excited about this new adventure I was about to embark on and while I’m not ashamed of my enthusiasm, I do wish I handled it differently.
It took me years to realize that I said and did a lot of the wrong things when preparing for my move. I belittled my friends’ decisions to stay “home” and didn’t think about how missing the holidays would affect my family. No one was given the time and space to process my actions.
I tend to dive head first into a lot of my decisions in life, which has led me on a really fun adventure, but that also meant not taking a second to think that they might need a breather.
My initial move to Ecuador was met with a lot of praise. I was joining the Peace Corps and had an end date already scheduled. It was when I ignored that date and fled to the Amazon that things got a little hairy with their support.
I want to be clear though: I don’t suggest letting your friends and family make your decisions on anything really. It’s great having a sounding board of people you can trust but at the end of the day, this life is yours. I’m so proud of myself for taking a leap none of my friends were taking and wouldn’t change my 21 year old decision for a heartbeat.
That said, here are a few things I suggest you keep in mind when telling your friends and family about your decision to move abroad:
1. Know when to talk about it. They’re going to have questions, a lot of questions. It’s best you wait to spring this news on them when you can answer most of them. Confidence is key to getting them onboard so unless your circle is way different than mine, the more you’re able to tell them with a smile on your face, the less they’ll be able to deter you.
2. Give them time to take it all in. You’ve likely been dreaming of moving abroad for a while now but for them, this is the first they’ve heard about it. Give them some time to process, come back with questions, and get used to the idea. They might never be totally convinced but it’s not fair to assume they’ll automatically give their seal of approval.
3. Show them how to keep in touch. I moved abroad before Instagram (crazy, I know) and back when Skype was the only option for a video call. I didn’t have a smart phone or internet at my house in Ecuador. I know it’s easier now than it was then but coach your people on the best way to contact you. Make a friends/family chat on WhatsApp (or your app of choice) and let grandma practice a bit with the app before you jet off.
4. Plan a “see you later.” This one has been huge for my family and something we didn’t realize until a few years in. Saying good-bye is a hell of a lot easier for everyone when you know the next time you’ll see each other. It quickly turns the finality of it into a see ya later instead. It can be tough and take some forward planning but is worth it in the long run.
5. Know that some people will never get it. This is just the reality of living a lifestyle that isn’t the norm. Some people may never truly support your decision, they’ll pester you every time you talk about when you’re moving back, and constantly ask you the same questions on loop. Sometimes it comes from love but a lot of time it can turn into annoyance. Know that your job isn’t to make everyone else happy but to do what you can to ensure your own.
These a few of the 9 tips I share in my e-book, How to Move Abroad, in the chapter on Emotional Prep.
I’m extremely lucky that my family get it, even if it took some time. I’m grateful that they love to travel as well and are willing to come and visit me in various places I’ve called home and it’s not always on me to make the trip back. I realize that not everyone has that type of support.
Although I still have plenty of people I love living in the US, many of my closest friends are people I’ve met abroad. Hell, I met my husband in a hostel in Panama.
Next week I’ll dive into making friends abroad and forming your own little crew wherever you go.
xx,
Kat
Great list! I've found the older I get the more homesick I feel, so planning a "see you later" has become essential for my own emotional well-being too.
All very true. One I'd add - especially if you move somewhere that's about as far away as you can get from your family, as I did - don't expect them to come and visit you. None of my family has visited me in New Zealand - they're simply not travellers. I have to go to them. Quite a few friends have been, though!